Azazel's Den

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 05:48:49 GMT

Friends onlyz0r; add me and I'll probably add back.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 04:41:05 GMT

The famous popcorn popper from MadTV! HILARIOUS! xD Literally almost died laughing. Rolling on the floor clutching my stomach. xD

Ooh. This 2nd one is not for female viewers. So if you think you're female or you keep a monkey, don't watch. xD

I would like to thank MadTV for bringing me out of my prolonged state of depression, but sadly that also means that less people would read my blog. =(

TOTALLY WORTH IT

Joking. You guys still da best. xD

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 05:12:34 GMT

I just realized. My every belief, every personality has everything to do with me being superficial, all but rooted to the ground. I mean, I believe in horoscopes. I receive daily emails from some random website and take amusement on trying to predict what's going to happen that day. I attribute lots of things to the star signs of a person, like how Aries and Sagitarrius = direct, fierce and fiery of sorts, Virgo, Capricorn and another earth sign = down to earth (lame) and practical, knowing their limits, air signs like Aquarius! The webbie says they're dreamy and stuff. Like floating in mid-air, but also including the battles with the strong currents up there ya? And water signs like Scorpio (me) and Cancer are more...not solid? Like, flexible, always changing, strong currents to grind the way, and never practical. Which also = me. :] And can also work out whether relationships will go well or not leh! Just see if the partner star sign compatible to yours. At the end of the post I put the compatability thing.

I realized I'm also terrified of ghosts. D: Added to the fact that I visualize pretty well, half of the time I'm alone at home at night, I'm scared. If not listening to heavy metal or talking to a friend. And yes, I do believe in their existence. Coz I think I saw one before. Then the TV had to go add on to it... D: Then make me scared like shit. Trauma. ...I think i hear footsteps... T_T

I also set my goals WAY too high. Like, I hope to achieve something that I know cannot possibly happen, even if it did it wouldn't be the best ever. A different example is. MY RE PROJECT. I must solo 30 pages of comics, colored, text and storyline included, within 10 days. On a tablet that keeps electrocuting me. D: So pain. That's like, 3 days a page, and I've only finished 1 today, AND I'm behind schedule. Like, 5 pages. T_T I'm going to die. I dowan to let my group and Mr Fong down. So I must force myself to work! I sleep at like, 2-3 am every night, to finish my daily RE and to keep Suwe company I guess. >< But I keep getting distracted! Then when I get back I forgot where I left off. So sian. I wonder if my guardian angel would pick up a pen and help me color while I draw. ><

Letting out my problems is so fun! =D I feel so much better.

Now quotes on horoscope by Wiki.

Water signs

In astrology a water sign refers to any of the signs Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces.

According to astrological theory, water signs are characteristically intuitive, imaginative and deeply emotional (unlike the shallow emotional character of fire signs). Water signs are believed by astrological theory to often possess a much more penetrating insight into the true nature of other people than other zodiac signs: they are supposed to be remarkable in their ability to judge people. Water signs are seen by astrological theory as sensitive (often hypersensitive) people, and to possess a great desire to help others. Although they are not seen as intellectually weak, water signs are occasionally referred to as mute signs because they supposedly rely so much on non-verbal communication rather than direct discussion. At their worst, water signs are supposed to be withdrawn, secretive, overly vague, possessive, and pessimistic, often withdrawing into their own private world rather than facing difficulties. They are also often unforgiving if injured or even slighted.

They are seen as being complementary to the earth signs who provide them with the stability that they need to develop, whilst the water signs allow the earth signs to work more effectively. Although water signs are often, according to astrological theory, attracted to fire signs because of their ardent, passionate character, in general water signs will eventually find fire signs much too rude, outspoken, and honest to be comfortable with them. Water signs are supposed to have strong aversity, even hatred, for air signs, whose personalities they regard as shallow, uncaring, cold, and excessively worldly, though sometimes an air sign can balance out the traits of a water sign (thus creating a great friendship).

Earth signs

In traditional Western astrology an earth sign is considered to be one of the earth triplicity, which is Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn.

Earth signs are traditionally associated with stability, solidarity, and practicality. According to astrological theory, they are realistic, cautious, hard-working, and dependable people with the ability to rise steadily to positions of power and control. However, at their worst, they are said to be highly materialistic, limited in outlook, and inhibited. They are seen as negative, introverted, and not very sociable, owing to their focus on their own work and goals that tend to move them away from an active social life with others. In judgement of friends, earth signs are said to be generally reserved and cautious yet fairly passionate, always committed to friends and partners. It is said earth signs tend to be most satisfied when they have accumulated material possessions rather than knowledge (air signs), personal security (water signs), or power (fire signs).

Earth signs are said to be attracted to water signs because the two share qualities of acquisitiveness, retentiveness, and self-protectiveness. The earth signs supposedly feel that the water signs will nourish them, whilst water signs supposedly feel that the earth signs offer them the emotional security they desperately want. Whilst water is considered compatible with earth, water signs supposedly do not share much of the earth signs' practicality and the earth signs supposedly often view water signs' idealism as quite unrealistic, sometime even fanciful. Earth signs supposedly find air signs fascinating because they can be attracted by their strange thoughts and share their intellectual tendencies. However, earth signs supposedly believe air signs to be "up in the clouds" and trying to put forward ideas that never will work in practice. Moreover, the severe detachment and insensitivity of the air signs are qualities the earth signs will eventually find tiresome and offensive. They see fire signs as simply too careless and forceful to be of any use.

Fire signs

In astrology, a fire sign refers to any of the three signs Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius. In earlier astrology, the fire signs were often called bitter, in contrast with the "sweet" air signs.

According to astrological theory, fire signs represent the life-giving and vital force of the zodiac. The fire signs are termed positive and extroverted, and are supposed to be active, dynamic, and highly energetic. They are seen as the inventors, leaders, and pioneers within humanity, possessing an assertive quality that allows them to act upon the thoughts of others extremely quickly.
The worst qualities of the fire signs are seen as their tendency to be irresponsible, overbearing, impatient, and boastful to the point of hurting others' feelings. They can also supposedly find it very hard to deal with detail because of their quest for the "big picture." Because astrology holds that fire signs are frequently highly outspoken, they can prove too much for more sensitive types of people who resist the criticism they can produce. They are supposedly by nature emotionally intense and quick to anger if they disapprove but, unlike water signs, are also very quick to forgive and not sensitive to criticism.

Fire signs are supposedly impatient with less extroverted people, especially earth signs, whom they believe will smother the fire of life. They are believed to resent the earth signs' slowness and preoccupation with detail, and hate the way they pin others down. They supposedly can be attracted to water signs' passion and intensity, but generally find water signs too secretive – in fact to the point of seeing the water signs' sensitivity as utterly dishonest and deliberately deceitful. Air signs, on the other hand, are seen by the fire signs as able to provide them with concrete ideas to help them develop their ideals. Because air signs share their gregarious, extroverted quality, fire signs are comfortable with them. However, they supposedly do not have the patience to analyse as many possibilities as the air signs would like, so they supposedly act more quickly than air signs might wish..

Air signs

In astrology, the air signs consist of Gemini, Libra and Aquarius.

According to astrological theory, air signs are the talkers and communicators of the zodiac. Typically they are supposed to be intellectual, analytical, articulate, and versatile – able to discuss just about any topic. Air signs are also seen as the masters of social graces because they enjoy socialising and are very good at "small talk." They are often seen as so objective that they are unable to be practical and realistic. At worst, air signs are supposed to be so changeable they will not stay anywhere for any length of time, and so restless they have trouble with serious concentration on any single job they might be required to carry out. Air signs' role is seen as providing the ideas that make the future different from the past, whereas fire signs carry out the actions necessary for this.

In human relationships, air signs are said to be gregarious and extroverted, often attracting friends very willingly and easily with their charm and ability to communicate. However, air signs are believed to be lacking in passion and unable to form strong, lasting relationships; astrologers believe few air sign people are able to have a single marriage, for they are said to be as apt to try out new people as new ideas. Air signs are also thought to be extremely lacking in emotional depth because they tend to intellectualise their feelings and generally want to avoid difficult obstacles that might be needed to hold a partnership together.

Air signs are supposed to more or less understand earth signs because they share a basically rational nature. However, whilst air signs are supposed to admire earth signs' will to achieve, they supposedly find them too timid, pessimistic, undemonstrative, and cautious, and the earth signs, though attracted by the air signs' unique thoughts, find them overwhelmingly unrealistic and flippant. Water signs are believed to be much too passionate and emotionally deep for air signs' flighty, flirtatious nature; indeed, astrology believes air signs hate water signs as too subjective, secretive, and illogical. For their part water signs supposedly deride air signs as emotionally shallow, excessively concerned with worldly pleasure, and uncaring towards others. However, air signs will find themselves most compatible with fire signs, who share the similar traits of being positive, extroverted, outgoing, and fun-loving. Fire signs may not be as intelligent or rational as air signs, as air signs may not be as passionate or controlling as fire signs, but they can generally adapt to each other's ways, and find they have a lot of different traits to offer in fufilling one another.

Copy and pasting is so tiring. D:

Check your sign, and if you want check mine aso. =D Mesa Scorpio.

Now I shalt get back to RE!

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 01:53:40 GMT

If you got real surprised and shocked, congratulations. If you stopped it just in time before the screaming, congratulations. If you were blasting your speakers and are now suffering a severe heart attack, congratulations. Everyone walks home a winner.

But this song makes me feel like singing/screaming to it.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 06:14:30 GMT

I'm not sure why, but whenever I use the Internet to communicate indirectly to a certain someone, like an email, or through the Egroups and the forums of all kinds, DotA matches perhaps, and especially this blog here, words stream out. I fear not what I want to or I need to say, some things posted here might even be a little but insensitive, much like the people out there, but I post it anyway, I just go on and on for paragraphs and essays at a time.

But in real life, its far from that.

For some strange reason, at times I'm terrified of anyone else's voice. Coz whenever I hear a voice, I remind myself that I'm talking to a REAL person with REAL feelings just like me, its just kinda scary how much I choose to hide compared to if I were typing on this keyboard here. I remind myself that if I typed here, I can have the time to press delete, that even if I posted for a day or two, I can remove the post and pretend that it never existed. But in real life, once your hand is shown, you can't take it back. There is no such thing as a delete button, or a respawn option, neither are there checkpoints for you to save at. Its a one-way street. And the choices are countless.

I constantly remind myself of the risks I can take, but I constantly call myself a coward. I can't be sure of anything anymore, how anyone would react to anything I say, how I would counter what people throw at me, how the world within tumbles out of control. Everything is out of my control, and I really want it back in my palm. JS was kinda right, dreams are surely much better than what real life possesses, where everything is under control, where you can choose to do anything you want. I'd choose eternal slumber in a dream rather than pointless war in a never-resting world. But dreams are never forever, Suwe said that once you wake up from a good dream, you never fail to feel empty inside.

Good things are never meant to last forever.

Even roses have thorns...

And they do wilt.

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 01:35:50 GMT

"Finished? It'll never be finished. A battle's not like some stupid argument. As long as someone's still breathing, the fight isn't over. You want a reason...for fighting?"

"Everyone who searches for power, without exception, searches for battle! Do you fight in order to become more powerful? Or do you want more power so that you can fight? I can't tell you that. But this was how the world was born!..."

"Let me tell you the truth. The truth behind fighting. Fighting continues forever. After you've defeated one person, someone stronger appears. If you manage to defeat him, then an even stronger person comes along. If you don't have the resolve to endure that eternal struggle, then eventually your confidence will erode.
"But it doesn't end there. The battle is continued elsewhere, fought by others. Its an endless cycle. And it doesn't end with one person's death! The cycle will continue!"

"As long as people and their souls exist, there will be disputes, and those disputes will lead to fights. And those fights will continue without limit, for all eternity."

"What's the difference between a king and his horse? I don't mean kiddy shit like "One's a person, one's an animal" or "One has two legs one has four". In their form, ability and power are exactly the same. Why is it that one becomes the king and controls the battle, while the other becomes the horse and carries the king!? There's only one answer. Instinct!

"In order for identical beings to get stronger and gain the power they need to become king, they must search for more battles and power. They thirst for battle, and live to mercilessly crush, shred, slice their enemies! Deep, deep within our body lies the honed instinct to kill, to slaughter!"

War is forever.

No changing that.

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:22:28 GMT

<Michael has logged on>
<Rebecca has logged on>
Michael: Hey.
Rebecca: heyy
Michael: Lol. Sup?
Rebecca: umm...i heard your parents heard about us being together.
Rebecca: how did they go with it?
Michael: Well, to tell you the truth...
Michael: Both my mom and dad disagree...
Michael: They are grounding me for at least a month...
Michael: They've cut my allowance...
Michael: They're thinking of transferring me to another class, maybe even another school...
Michael: They actually CONSIDER migration!
Michael: They make me hate them so much...but you know...
Rebecca: ok then.
<Rebecca has signed out>
Michael: Its all worth it.

Classic example of being too late.

And typical chance of severe heartbreak.

How it applies...

Is totally up to you.

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 04:22:01 GMT

Another two very very VERY fun videos. =D

The first one can't embed, recommend you go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSrwXqTJ_-k

The second one I CAN embed. Just in case any of you readers are sensitive, the title is the Internet is for Porn, no samples in the video, just a nice catchy song. =D

HILARIOUS.

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 10:19:10 GMT

OMG HILARIOUS. xD

This one's a game show similar to something I've watched before, only you have to put "Who/What is -answer-" to get it correct. Enjoy!

There's a whole series of small shows like this by MadTV, all of them are retardedly funny. I can't believe I actually found it in the first place, actually. But its worth it. xD

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 16:10:20 GMT

What it could have been.
What it would have been.
What it should have been.
And what it never will be.

But the chance is long over.
And yet, did I have it to start?
Did I even have it
For me to treasure in the first place?
For me to take seriously,
For me to grasp the oppurtunity?

No.
But even if I did.
Would I have succeeded?
Probably not.
Would I have gotten you to talk to me?
Probably not.
Would I have made an appeal?
Probably not.
Would I have definitely
Screwed up the chance,
To the point beyond reason.
Probably.
That was if I did.
But I didn't.

"And I will walk down my
"Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
"And I will remind myself that
"Love is but a Feeling,
"Nothing more. But
"Look What You've Done.
"For you and I who continue to find
"The Reason
"To why we will never
"Open our Eyes
"To see that
"Nobody's Home.
"They can do nothing more than
"Dare us to Move.
"But Everybody's changing.
"That's True.
"It is never ours. Our
"Time is Running Out.
"I Just Want to Live,
"But you've left me
"Broken."

None of this should have happened.
The prejudice should have died,
Withered as a sick rose.
Shouldn't be falling into memories.
Shouldn't be suspecting too much.
Shouldn't be regretting
The road not taken.

I can't stand the torment.
And I never will.

Of what it could have been.
What it would have been.
What it should have been.
And what it never will be.

But the chance is long gone...

...and so are you.

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 03:34:11 GMT

Kingdom Hearts 4eva!

The song is One Year Six Months by Yellowcard, nice song -which I have-, the movie is not made by me but I can tell that its KHI and II combined. And I can tell the difference. Coz in II Kairi is taller and sexier. LOL. I can remember most of the cutscenes anyway. =)

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret, I cannot forget, I cannot forgeeet

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 11:45:35 GMT

I'm Blue,
Da ba dee da ba dai,
Da ba dee,
Da ba dai,
Da ba dee da ba dai,
Da ba dee,
Da ba dai.

That started out relatively random enough.

Came home from an interview for RE. Before that, I was at Darren's house watching Snao play 4 or 5 whole hours of Kingdom Hearts II. It was kinda fun at Darren's house, lots of stuff to play there. Mostly coz we brought them. xD Anyway, we played Fatal Frame last night! It was f***ing scary. Seriously. You can ask the actual player, Wendeh! He had a first hand encounter with the bloody freaky ghost. And it was horrifying. Me and Wesle were just sitting there beside WZ and yet all three of us let out a small yelp at least. I was like, "HOLY SHIT" and proceeded to freeze in shock and fear. Then we decided to not play it anymore and played something much happier. Like Kingdom Hearts! Lols. Then we all played Mahjong and stuff. With no real money. xD But I made money! And became an addict.

Anyways, we were going to sleep when Ji'an started hacking Maple. Then couldn't sleep. T_T And just so you guys know? I heard every single sentence you said while I PRETENDED to be asleep. I didn't sleep the whole bloody night. I've got a lot on my mind. So now I'm dead tired, sleepy, and with a bad bad bad bad bad flu.

Slept on the taxi to the interview place, but woke up a minute later coz I don't trust anyone I don't know. Donno why. I'm always paranoid. I'd be worried that a taxi driver would kidnap me, commuters on the MRT would steal from my bag and people walking behind me are following me. Paranoia. And distrust. Love and the lack of it. Twas raining just now, and this kid complained about how short the ripples last. Very much like everything else.

Anyways, I'm still thinking about those few people who don't say anything before they go. Yesterday, Wendy left without me knowing... I would've said goodbye if you let me. Then I heard someone exclaim that he didn't know Yiheng left, so it was really kinda sad. Really sad. People just don't say goodbye when they leave, those people who just click the button or turn the knob silently. Not just in real life, real person interaction. You know yourself best. If you had already grasped my heart and tried to slowly steal it from me, at least I know about it, I would gladly let you steal it away. But no. You clasp your hand around my heart and rip it from its very being, the sudden departure does that. The sudden realization that you're no longer there, the sudden revelation that you're already gone, that I can't make it up to you, that I wasn't given a chance, that my empty ribs still bleed, they tear for the all but healing wounds left eternally behind.

I guess this is life. We will all, eventually, depart without warning, one by one, we will leave our friends, and we will spare naught but a word or a wish, and yet all but a simple goodbye. So let me make it up to you, let me be the one making the difference in your life, let me be there with an outstretched hand when you need the most to grasp it, let me be the one you can trust beside you, let me disappear as more than a vanishing ripple, let me be there when you go, let me see you one more time before I say my goodbye.

Please.

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 02:02:58 GMT

Last night, I had a dream. I can't remember what it actually was although I just woke up, but what I do remember was that it was the happiest, the most freedom-filled, the most satisfying dream I had in months, maybe years. It had a striking resemblance to Malaysia Montage, like how I took off my shoes in the bus. I remember 2Q, not our groups, lining up somewhere someplace along some corridor, then after we do something Mr Law appears and tells off Darren for something he said earlier. xD Sorry Darren.

Anyway, I think we went to some random house of horror thing, there was Dracula things and all, really dam scary. Suwe put on the Dracula mask and started scaring me! T_T Then I scare Suwe back. >=D Then I dreamt about something I dreamt before, about being "stranded on Jurassic Park" and having to take some very lame ride that seemed VERY scary at the time. Coz it was a dream. Then everything turned Maple Story like and I was hopping platforms so as to spend out the time before the show started. xD So fun.

Then I remember this uber hotel, like, DAM COOL. It had some really nice fountain and a reeeeeeeally big hall and -lousy receptionists- but it was dam cool nonetheless. =D And I still remember the rooms! Inspiration from MM rooms but its starkly different. I shall draw it sometime for my own reminiscing. Then there was this small gathering thing in the -someplace- and I saw a lot of 2Q people there! If you're reading this, you're probably in it, coz I know who reads my blog. xD Den Wesle and Chia was trying to kill me in the fountain. F5 If it were a chocolate fountain I wouldn't mind, but I couldn't think it up just then. xD

Anyway, after that we were going to leave the place, and as always, I had my shoes taken off and all, and everyone was already getting off! I was wearing my shoes. T_T But it was hilarious. I was tying the shoelaces on the bus, everyone was like, "Hurry up!" Then Jech and JS were like, "Don't care la! One tie the other one leave it." So I just gave up and the bus driver passed me my bags one by one (three in total i think...donno why so many), and as in my best mood, I said a nice loud "Thank you!" and everyone ended up smiling. The bus drove away and Jech was like, "Eee, dtiong so poser bring 2 guitars." I look behind me and two of my bags were guitar shaped and I was like =.=''' but still smiling. It was really very very very VERY nice compared to other dreams.

Then we got on this uber big ship! Its like, a modern Pirates of the Carribean ship? With glass and dining tables and nice gold colored patterns on the pillars and walls. Kinda like the Orbis ship and the Dutchman combined? But much nicer, much more luxurious, much more aesthatically (sp?) designed (and by that I mean with lots of sharp edges) and most importantly, with my finishing touches. :] In my brain.

Anyway, as the water split and gave way for the ship slicing through, everyone was like, partying in some dining room thing, inspiration drawn from the dining place at Orna golf course? Yeah, the walls were glass so the water was quite clear, so blue! So everyone was talking, chatting and all, everyone was smiling, most included hand gestures in their speech, maybe its like Sparrow but I donno. Then everyone started singing Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me. It was really dam fun and funny! Everyone was like, dancing in circles and the atmosphere just lifted up as the song repeated in chorus with one or two zao xia from random people, which served to make it funner. All's well that ends well, everything was like a dream.

And it was.

Sorry for the last sentence, supposed to be happy today. xD

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 01:16:14 GMT

And now a series of LIVE CAPTURED quotes from irc! And bash.org of course..

<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an asshole -
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops

<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

<UKDJ|Planet> I swear to god
<UKDJ|Planet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke
<Jock> o...k
<UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
<UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
<UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
<UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell

<Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
<spitfire> haha mendo
<spitfire> take a screen shot
<spitfire> wait
<spitfire> that made no sense

<tomfoolery> there's a small fire burning in my room
<beretta> lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the other "SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE SITUATION" quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging support in the form of unneccesary votes

And lastly...

<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
<benja> The survey was a huge failure...
<benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
<benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
<benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

I <33 quotes from bash.org. =D Ya la, you people also la. xD

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 15:16:47 GMT

Brilliant. The hard disk drive that I use to store every single one of my files has been made accessible not only to me, but my every other member of my family. Worst part? Its through a wireless connection thing that I need to launch EVERY SINGLE TIME I visit the drive. Which is like, 100 times a day. It just gets worse from here. Every single one of the 36 programming and file shortcuts on my desktop is now rendered useless, I can't launch a single program from the drive without spending at least half an hour waiting for it to re-download itself on my comp EVery SINgle TIme I launch it, and I can't listen to a single piece of music in my already-not-so-big collection of songs. Bummer. I really, REALLY need that hard disk upgrade.

Samurai Warriors 2: Empires is nice. =)

Thu, 31 May 2007 00:41:24 GMT

Drip. Drip. Drip.
Dew drops off a yellow leaf.
Cold sweat from a nightmare.
Watery paint on a ruined painting.
Medicine not used for the wounds.
Water from the broken pipe above.
Liquid gasoline waiting to burn.
Tears of a broken heart.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

My blood and my trust in your leaking hands.

Drip.

Life's a gamble, along with everything else. We all keep gambling, we're all addicts aren't we. We all do things that we know could probably end up in failure, things that could go horribly wrong and risk losing everything we wanted to gain, including what we put at stake, maybe lose a bit, or a lot more than that. But the stakes are getting higher. And we're all getting scared of losing what we need.

It gets a bit frustrating, how the countless little gambles, little actions, fail to speak the words they can. And I'm losing you bit by bit. Don't be like me. I fear the consequences there is too much. To all the people who have something to say to me? Please just make it direct, don't hide, coz its getting, in a sense, boring. If you want to keep hiding, I don't know when the truth will let up, coz I won't try to get it from you, that's for sure. So with me, take the big gamble. Put all the stakes. Gamble the rest there is.

Coz we're still underage.

Pride and Promise, Minutes to Midnight

Mon, 28 May 2007 12:45:32 GMT

Let me apologize to begin with.
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say,
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed.
And somehow I got caught up in between.

Let me apologize to begin with.
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say,
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed,
And somehow I got caught up in between...

Between my
Pride and my promise.
Between my
Lies, and how the truth gets in the way.
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come,
The only thing that's worse than one is none...

And I can only wish this melody on my lips can find its way to your ears. I can only hope that through the invisible movements spoken, you can get the scroll I've trapped in the glass bottle. I can only pray that your Guardian Angel whispers in your ear not deafening warnings, but long-existing, long-intended revelations.

For I cannot explain to you, in anything I say or do,

And I hope the actions speak the words they can.

For my pride
And my promise.
For my lies and how
The truth gets in the way.
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come.
The only thing that's worse than one is none...

The only thing that's worse than one is none...

The only thing that's worse than one is

None.

Sun, 27 May 2007 04:53:31 GMT

Bet you guys didn't know I kept a journal during the whole Malaysian Montage. Maybe js, he guessed it once. But here it is, typed out. Its in the form of free-structure poems, which can get pretty random and irrelevant, but I write them on the bus, so I'm not to blame.

Day 1
"
Across the crowd,
The gods twist abstract
Art of the clay
Of the human mind.
"
And as the sky darkens,
As the footsteps soften,
I am once again
Lost in my little realm.
"
Day 2
"
As the orchestral music
Of synchronized melody
Rings forever in my ears,
Singing the song
Of gongs and drums and xylophone notes,
I remember.
Something best forgotten.
"
The dluted taste of red rose
My tongue turns numb.
And the cup falls
Onto the floor, where
Lay scattered are life's merciless thorns.
"
Day 3
"lyrics to Pride and Promise, LP
Let me apologize to begin with.
Let me apologize for what I´m about to say.
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed.
And somehow I got caught up in between,

Between

My pride and my promise.
Between my lies and how
The truth gets in the way.
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come.
The only thing that´s worse than one is
None.

"
and I really mean the lyrics to the song. It really describes how I felt. Moving on...

Day 4
"
And it this way ends.
The migrating birds that fly round season,
Resign to their fates behind bars.
The battles kings fight, the countless wars,
All end up no rhyme, no reason.

The insanity of the world is blasphemy.
And whilst God keeps his mind for creation,
Rulers keep theirs to give Hell,
And though its broad daylight, the peasants shant tell
The committing of sin and treason.

And reminisce.
The countless periods of happiness time,
The flowers of youngers, the impulse, the rash,
The drivers of the time we were willing to crash
As the bells in our young ears they chime.

But its over.
Of red rose, the sight, youch, scent,
The music of drums, notes, gongs,
Erase not the memories of bitter wrongs,
Leaving me ever broken, ever bent.

And it this way ends.
The journey, the world.
"

And it ends.

Fri, 25 May 2007 15:16:16 GMT

And a trust betrayed is
A world decayed,
A dawn that bade
Goodbye,

In the shade, do glance down upon
The rotting thorns that seal
The black, plagued heart
That mourns
And never fears to cry.

And as the soul had yet to drown
In the count of lies, tries,
Regrets that trade
The harvest of corns with frowns,
And just as the crowns would
Rise to the skies,
The frayed, forlorn heart
Sounds a chime.
Drowns in time.
And dies.

Over-sensitive. Melo-dramatic. Whatever. Can't exactly care much more of my selfishness and insensibility of my posts. I'm guilty as charged, and that's what counts.

For a trust misplaced is a friend erased...

...and the times I've chased have died.

Fri, 25 May 2007 14:01:56 GMT

And the Montage ends.

I'll post more tomorrow.

Sun, 20 May 2007 02:40:31 GMT

And as the world ends,
My thoughts wander not
Far from simple regrets,
And love and life lost.

Thu, 17 May 2007 10:26:57 GMT

Its okay.

I know I'll get my chances with you.

One day.

Wed, 16 May 2007 11:48:48 GMT

"It's stressful as you try to get the rejuvenating alone time that you crave. Don't fritter away precious energy worrying about it now, for you can find time to be by yourself later on. Instead, use today's New Moon to focus on your relationships and to deepen your understanding about how your most intimate partner affects your life."

It always comes too late.

I've read up this wiki article on Spira. Its a huge continent where dreams come alive, where the people are satisfied, although not spared wholly from Sin, the monster that terrorizes the whole world. Spira is a place where our hearts can be content, a place where our souls are free, a place where our hearts can bind. This world just isn't what Spira is. Its just too far off.

The whole idea of a Malaysian Montage surely does fulfil some of its requirements for us to learn new things, to broaden our horizons and to experience things we've never experienced before. Because, for the first time, it is where when I look upon a fellow classmate...

...I feel sadness in the place of joy.

I'd really like to thank a certain teacher in our school, Mr. Law Hock Ling. He's really nice. When he saw me alone and dejected, alone on the row of chairs, alone and away from the huge mass of chattering students, he actually bothered to ask. He sat down near me and asked if I was alright. He asked if I were okay with the groupings. When I said yeah, he said it takes time. I really hope I relieved his worries with the weak smile I tried to pull onto my face. Really.

But I know its just going to get worse. It always does. The Kampong homestay arranged stretches into the night. And I just can't be happy at night, I never am. I know its going to get worse, I know its going to make me fall, but I can't do anything about it...

...Spira's just too far out of my reach...

Tue, 15 May 2007 11:20:12 GMT

If there's anything I hate more than people who betray the trust they don't deserve, it would be the people who try to be what they aren't. I'm not saying people shouldn't strive for things. But if you KNOW that you can't POSSIBLY be something you aren't, it disgusts me that you try. The old shouldn't try to be like the young. The ugly shouldn't try to be the beautiful. The weak-minded, pitiful fools I met this afternoon should stop imitating me. Coz its irritating. Just as I find a lot of other things.

"Oh, just look on the bright side of the things already."
"It ain't good to be so dark you know."
"Why are your ideas always so suicidal and dark?"

Well, listen up. I'm not you.

I wrote a poem in my head this afternoon. Its kinda lame, but I really felt it back then.

And there was a footballer on the turf.
He kicked,
And the ball went
Flying into the wall,
and it rebounded.
And then it was caught
By another I spotted.
And then there were three.
And then there were four.
And then there were five.

Alone across the road,
I direct my gaze at something else I
Wouldn't find heart wrenching.

But would you rather reach out for me, or would you hesitate halfway, and let your hand fall, just like I had done? Would you rather hold my hand, or would you hide it behind you, along with all the things you wanted to tell me? Would you rather talk with me, or would you run away and go with your group interesting compared to boring me?
Would you rather love me, or would you hide away, ripping my feelings, my emotions, and taking them along, and watch with little hesitation, watch in the sidelines as I drown in my own sense of guilt and despair...

...because right now, you're an audience to a Shakespearan tragedy.

And I'm desperately calling for volunteers.

Mon, 14 May 2007 12:13:09 GMT

I. Just. Got. My. Haircut. And I feel so bald...

Anyway, I have a new objective. By the start of the June holidays, I'm going to master Part 1 of Sight of Spira, a nice FFX guitar song. You should either watch the AMVs on youtube or see the guitar masters in action over this song. Real nice. Almost as nice as To Zanarkand, but...

Today I've had a huge conflict inside of me. You see, after that post long long long long long ago about taking pity on a certain teacher, I've decided to try to work slightly harder on the certain subject and start "mugging" for it. This is where the whole thing sets in. During the lesson today, everyone were moving their tables and chairs so they could sit together and talk and play and stuff. Ignoring the teacher or course. So I asked myself...should I join them? Should I value the slight amount of undeserved friendship over my resolution I set for myself? Well, in the end, I soloed the period doing the worksheet and finishing much more than what was needed, but I left myself feeling neglected. I comfort myself by telling myself that it wouldn't really had made much difference had I taken the other choice. But who knows. Well, I won't, that's for sure.

The night sky is so relaxing with Sight of Spira playing in the background. The cooling winds blowing against my hair, carressing my cheek, taking my shirt as a flag of some sort, and when you look up, you see a lone star, at first. Then you look closer. And then you come to realize that beside the star, the night is filled with smaller stars, filled with the hovering radiance each one offers.

And you come to realize you're not alone.